I’m going through a rough time. This entire
semester school year really had me in the shit, especially after spring break. There was some good, but a lot more bad. Now, it seems like every time I try to get off my ass and fix something, things get worse. Simple stuff, like wanting to talk to someone regularly or going to class every day, causes huge issues that stress me out and make it harder for me to function. What karma is this? What did I do so wrong that the universe has it out for me this bad? Why can’t I be happy or even satisfied with my life and where it stands? Don’t I deserve it?
I still have nowhere to live next year. My GPA is probably going to be shit after this semester. My advisor thinks I have issues, which I do, but, what can she do about it but silently judge me. I feel like I’m running people away from me with all the problems I have. And all I want to do is talk to my boyfriend enough to distract myself from how much I hate everything, or maybe have a drink, but, I can’t. Because now he hates me and, because I’m so fucked up, he doesn’t even want to deal with me, and I have no access to alcohol.
I come home in less than a week, but, I can’t even be sure I’ll be completely happy about that. I can’t handle being in the house every day again, so I really need to get one of the many jobs I applied for. I don’t want to deal with my mom’s disappointment. And I know that, eventually, I’m gonna have to come back here and do it all over again.